


Napoleon by Any Other Name (or Species)

by blueteak



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe-Supernatural, Illya's on a mission, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 15:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21155087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueteak/pseuds/blueteak
Summary: Illya's certain Napoleon's name isn't Napoleon. For that matter, he's not sure Napoleon's entirely human either.





	Napoleon by Any Other Name (or Species)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coaldustcanary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coaldustcanary/gifts).

No matter what Gaby or Waverly or Cowboy himself told him, Illya refused to believe two things: one, that “Napoleon” was actually Cowboy’s name and two, that Napoleon was entirely human.

Illya hadn’t been able to keep his own nature secret for more than five minutes. The second he’d practically ripped Gaby’s car apart he knew he’d given himself away. He could see it in Cowboy’s eyes. Cowboy’s astonished (and also aroused?) eyes. 

Illya found out soon enough that he hadn’t imagined the arousal. And unlike most humans, Cowboy wasn’t turned on because he was afraid of Illya's superior, part werewolf-derived strength. No, Cowboy, like Gaby, was always wanting to wrestle him. And like her, he didn’t believe that the outcome was a foregone conclusion. 

However, Gaby wasn't fully human either. According to Illya's briefing, Gaby was part Vila, and her kind apparently "loved hunting and assisting strong, handsome men in their fights against their enemies." Illya planned to start their next wrestling match by asking Gaby why she departed from tradition by fighting her strong handsome men as well as their enemies.

But Cowboy…Illya's KGB briefing had indicated that as far as they knew, he was fully human. And yet, most humans wouldn’t wrestle werewolves in any phase of the moon, let alone a full one. Or allow werewolves to patch them up post-torture, or even after the rare shaving accident (it turned out you *could* distract Napoleon from grooming himself if you bit him in the right place at the right time). Cowboy was either too confident, too trusting, some sort of supernatural being, or an utter fool. 

Much as Napoleon sometimes played the fool, Illya knew he would be even more foolish not to consider that the most likely possibility was that Napoleon was smuggling something non-human in his genes. What Napoleon could be, though, Illya wasn’t sure. It was driving him mad. He’d got to the point where he had even tried surreptitiously checking Napoleon for gills when he’d spent an extraordinary amount of time pleasuring Gaby without coming up for air. 

Illya had also floated the possibility that Cowboy was a wizard, which had had Gaby hooting with laughter while Waverly tried his best not to follow suit. It wasn't like he’d meant it as a compliment! It was just a possible explanation for the kind of being Cowboy could be who did not fear him or Gaby.

Illya had finally given up on trying to work it out for himself when he’d found himself seriously wondering whether Cowboy was a demigod. 

There was only one thing to do: break into CIA headquarters to find Cowboy’s actual file. Not the one he was convinced they’d doctored and let the KGB find. The real one, with a real birth certificate and everything. And if Cowboy’s name was actually Napoleon, then they could hold that over him as blackmail and that would also be important to know. And what if "Napoleon" turned out to be some special new hybrid the CIA had created in a lab? Illya owed it to the world to find out.

It had taken months of planning to deceive his employer and his lovers, but he'd snuck his way into the CIA's actual records room. "Napoleon's" file was in his hands. 

He opened it, hands trembling, eyes scanning until he found the Record of Species. 

Human. 

It seemed Cowboy’s lack of fear was just…trust? And stupidity. And arrogance, of course.

And arrogance made sense, Illya realized, given that Cowboy’s first name really was Napoleon.


End file.
